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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882786">The truth is, I’m just way more miserable without you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios'>Daily_Scenarios</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Emmerdale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotions, Feels, M/M, basically i was inspired by a recent coira quote, sort of a reunion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:28:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,533</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882786</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert's been gone for nearly 6 years and Aaron has decided to move on. To let go of the past...can he really do it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The truth is, I’m just way more miserable without you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>6 years. Well almost. Close enough. At least that’s what Aaron decided as he went for a walk. He did that a lot lately. He just couldn’t stand being at the Mill for too long. Not that it was fine in the past 5 years either, but recently… it was unbearable. The year after Robert got sent down, it was a blur. He didn’t really have too many memories. The most memorable thing in it was the whole pandemic situation. That put an end to every sort of relationship he might’ve had on the horizon. Not that it mattered really. He only realized that when it didn’t even bother him that he had to cancel dates and quite frankly… everything. That year was no joke and Aaron decided he was better off without the hassle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he finally left the village for a bit and went traveling. Just traveling. He did the whole one night stand thing before and he realized that it didn’t make him feel better quite the contrary. He was miserable enough without having to deal with any kind of drama, so he just stayed clear of everything. Not that he ever told anyone. Certainly not his family. His mum would’ve tried to push some “nice young lad” onto him – maybe even literally – same with his sister. So he just avoided questions like that and hoped for the best. Being away for nearly 2 years did wonders. He almost felt free. Almost. He couldn’t be though. Not entirely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tried hard to… move on. But he understood after the 3<sup>rd</sup> year began that he probably never will. Not really anyway. He stopped trying to deny that when he realized that he would still sell his soul for even a minute alone with Robert. Not even to kiss him or touch him, just to be able to look at him. And not just from 10 feet apart or from behind a glass window… although lately, he would’ve even settled for that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was the end of October and suddenly Aaron felt more alone than ever. Ever since he came back from his trips he tried to downplay everything. Tried to push aside his feelings, to really start anew. It just didn’t work. He couldn’t do it. So he woke up today determined that he would find a place, say goodbye, even if he can’t say things directly to Robert. Because it was getting ridiculous. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to have a life, to have a future. But as long as he was clinging onto Robert’s memory, there was no way in hell he would be able to do it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took him hours but eventually, he settled on a place. His place. The one he always went back to when he needed to clear his head. The one where he could scream and shout without anyone noticing. He could count on one hand how many people did he tell about this place. It wasn’t that hard. Laurel… and Robert. He smiled to himself as he looked around quickly. It was an unusually cold day and for once Aaron was glad for it. No chance of running into anybody then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” – he said out loud shaking his head. – “It finally happened. I went mad.” – he chuckled. – “I guess it’s still better than the alternative. Depression sucks.”  – he sighed knowing that if he could help it he won’t ever let himself fall apart like that again. He didn’t like the person he became when Robert pushed him out of his life.  – “I don’t even know what to say.” – he confessed to his surrounding, kicking the ground. – “It’s not…. it’s not like it matters…. you’re not here to hear it….” – he said stopping for a moment. He even started to turn around dropping the whole thing, but he couldn’t. He stood still, took a big breath, and continue – “There’s a lot of things I still don’t understand. I try to… but… I can only think it over so many times in me head before it starts to make no sense. Well even less than it did before. I guess what I’m trying to say is…. I wanna forgive you. I do. I’m just not there yet. And I know it’s been… what? 6 years… I should’ve done this a long time ago.” – he said whispering the second half of his sentence. There was no need, nobody could hear him. Just the wind. – “God I wish you would’ve reached out once. Just once.” – he said before he started laughing. – “If someone would see me now what would they think? Poor bloke someone must have died and this crazy sod is standing here talking to himself.” – he smiled before his face went serious. – “But I guess in a way that’s what happened. Right? I…. I haven’t heard your voice in 6 years, I know nothing about how you’re doing. You could be dead.” – he said although he knew he must have heard that at least. – “The most I get is little glimpses from videos on my phone. I try not to watch those though. It’s not good for me.”– he said finally. – “Holding on….” – he started not daring to continue with “onto you” – “…holding on… is not good for me. You’re always there… even after all this time. You’re everywhere… and I….” – he said feeling the lump in his throat. – “I just can’t live like that. I’m not a kid anymore.” – he sighed – “I want a family.” – he said looking up at the sky because somehow even standing here on his own, he felt insecure and looking at the sky seemed like a good idea. – “I wanted that with you… and for a while we had it.” – he said with a sad smile – “But you’re not here, I doubt you would ever come back… so I just have to try… and be happy. Because I deserve that Robert.” – said Aaron closing his eyes. Saying Robert’s name out loud was weird. It felt foreign on his tongue. It’s been a long while since he did that. - "The truth is, I’m just way more miserable without you." – he said getting to the conclusion. – “And I’m sick of that. I have to… I have to close this chapter. And I know it will be hard, god knows I do, but… I can’t do this anymore.” – he said basically repeating himself as he put his hands in his pockets. – “I will always love you, Robert. I told you that many times before… and I said it to others after …. after everything. And I still mean it. I just have to start to live again.” – he sighed before he heard footsteps coming towards him. His heartbeat quickened, because even if he didn’t know the intruder, that someone just witnessed him talking to himself and that was bad enough. He tried to not care but his reaction betrayed him. – “Rob….. Robert?” – he asked blinking a few times because this could only be a joke. – “I’m hallucinating, right?” – he asked mainly to himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m here.” – said the voice. Well, Robert. Aaron had a hard time believing it but by the time he noticed his feet carried him right in front of the man he tried to say goodbye to only a few minutes ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I… I don’t… how?” – stuttered Aaron fisting his hands to prevent himself from reaching out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All that stuff you said…” - said Robert glancing towards the exact place Aaron stood mere moments ago. – “Did you mean it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? I’m sorry… what?” – asked Aaron still not quite believing his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because I can leave… but if you want to… I stay.”– he said carefully as he looked into Aaron’s eyes. – “And never leave. If that’s alright with you.” – he added. – “Your choice.” – he shrugged like it was no big deal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I…. do I have to decide now?” – asked Aaron even though deep down in his heart he already made up his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course not, I guess you have questions… I can answer them. All of them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re really here?” – he asked again shaking his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s the most important thing you wanna know?” – laughed Robert. – “Yes Aaron I’m not a hologram, look.” – he said before he grabbed Aaron’s arm and squeezed it tight. Good thing Aaron wore a coat because the touch sent shivers down his spine like he was hit with lightning. He didn’t want to let Robert know that he still had this effect on him. Although he probably knew. He’s always known. As he finished thinking he realized that he was still looking at Robert without saying a word…. and Robert’s hand was still holding onto his arm. He had questions. Tons of it. He wanted to know the how the when the why and everything in between. But right at that exact moment, he wanted only one thing. And although he didn’t know a damn thing about Robert’s intentions, or reasons or anything really…. he went for it. He had a feeling that it was the right thing to do. When he felt Robert’s lips on his own he knew immediately. He made the right choice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it's obviously a happy ending... I was tempted to get a twist in it... but I just wanted something light. Something positive. Especially on this day.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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